Wow long time no blog post (seriously it’s been way too long)Anyways, in these past few months, I’ve been doing a lot of ~self reflection~.
And I mean A LOT.
So much of my life has been built around a schedule and a structure, but what purpose does a structure hold when it’s the driving factor in my life? Let me tell you, none. It has no purpose. I spent a large majority of this summer and especially this past week asking myself all of the what ifs.
What if I had changed one thing? What if I hadn’t shown up that day? What if I hadn’t gotten a direct message about joining a new Christian movement?(shoutout HTL, love you people) What if I had said no?
What ifs trip you up. They get tangled and confusing until you’re sitting at the mess of what your life could be if you had changed one little thing.
I was sitting shotgun in my best friends Jeep today thinking all of these what ifs out loud, thinking about how different my life was a year ago today and how I never would have thought I was going to be where I am now. He asked me if what if I have now is better than the life I thought I would be living a year ago – I’m not quite sure if I know that yet – but for the first time in what I can remember, I’m okay with not knowing what is coming. I’m okay with enjoying the beautiful people I meet and places I get to see in this new adventure of my life. I’m okay with living in the new and now because that’s the moment I’ve been given.
Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Take a minute and look around at your life. Is it where you thought you were going to be? Is it the perfect moment that you are terrified is about to shatter? Are you taking this moment to forget about something you regret or one of your what ifs? I find myself doing that a lot.
We were talking about this at church on Sunday and it’s been stuck in my head ever since,
You are free from the burdens of yesterday’s mistakes
Think about the beautiful life we’ve been given (even though it doesn’t always feel that great) and think about all the moments you fill with regret.
Why do we waste what could be an entirely new and perfect day worrying about how to fix our past?
What’s past is past and it’s time to live in the now that’s been created for us.
It’s taken a lot to get to this point of realizing that and it’s going to take a whole lot more to keep realizing it. But for now, in this moment, it’s more than enough to be grateful for the now that I’ve been given.