It has been simultaneously the best and most confusing week of my life.
Let me explain…
This week has been full of stress, trials and confrontations I was completely unprepared for, but mostly just a lot of things where I looked at myself and was like, “Well okay, how do I handle this?”
In the midst of all of this, the doubt and fear and confusion and everything in between, I was also just COVERED in this amazing peace that I haven’t felt in a realllllly long time. It’s just felt like I’ve been killing life lately.
SIDE NOTE: I’m the girl that has her detailed life plan up until she’s 25, I know where I want to be and when I want to be there and that’s my life. But this plan has kind of gone way way way off track, and I couldn’t be happier about it.
All of this confusion has caused my planned-to-a-“T” life to go out of whack and here I am, sitting on the floor of my math classroom thinking about how FANTASTIC it is that I have no clue what the heck I’m doing, because SO WHAT if I don’t have a perfect GPA or a car that has a right axle?? I have some best friends who are willing to eat my cooking (even when I make the cake too dry) and watch bad movies in Spanish with me even though we don’t speak a word of Spanish, I have a guy (who I completely don’t deserve) that is down for building blanket forts with me and a Heavenly Father who looks at me and is like, “yeah girl, I have your back.” and that’s pretty dang amazing if you ask me.
When we’re growing up, everyone tells us to follow our dreams. They tell us to figure out what we want to do with our lives and chase after that with full intensity. But what if instead of chasing after our dreams, we chased whole-heartedly, haphazardly after the Lord who has plans for us bigger than we could even begin to grasp?
…And why don’t we do that?
Honestly, what’s stopping us? Is it fear? Or pride? Or maybe, we just don’t know where to start.
So here I am, saying go for it. Stop worrying about some dumb life plan (even if you’ve had one that’s incredibly detailed and has been adapted since you were 13 and thought life was going to be this perfect lil plan all that time and man ohhhh man were you wrong). Maybe instead try looking to God and see where THAT takes you, something tells me that the creator of the UNIVERSE isn’t going to mess you up. Follow that beautiful heart of yours because it was given to you for a reason and it isn’t going to steer you away from where you need to go if Jesus is the one filling it up. Stop being so hard on yourself and instead just be.
Friends, try to take this time to be thankful for yourself and this life. I know that sometimes we are overwhelmingly sad and life is a big question mark and you can find yourself crying and wondering how the heck you got there but listen. You are beautifully made. You are deserving of love and other people’s affection. You aren’t being forced to stay somewhere you aren’t happy. Sometimes life can just be really tough and it’s not your fault at all. But sit back and appreciate your wonderful heart that can be a little sensitive at times but also is beating every day for YOU. Life is far too short to chase after things that make us unhappy.
Take some time to love yourself because it’s okay that you don’t know what to do. You don’t always need to.