I’m Unworthy & So Okay With It

Today is just one of those days where I have to look around and think, “look how great life is”. My sweet pup is home, I have an iced latte in hand, some Hillsong playing, and my little flowers are starting to grow. One of my favorite humans is home for a little while and this evening I get to spend hammocking and painting with her. Earlier this week when I thought I was about to snap, a great great great friend (accompanied by great pizza) sent me to
Psalm 94:18-19,

“When I thought, ‘my foot slips,’ your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.”

And just like that, it almost feels as if every little out of place piece in my life is starting to fall together and guys, this is so not of myself. Besides today being one that was exactly what I’ve been praying for, lately this whole ‘trusting in His plan’ thing has been a little bit of a struggle for me. I want things to be all ~okay~ in a matter of minutes, without stopping to realize that maybe I need this season of confusion and absolutely no reassurance in what is coming next to see how desperately I need the Lord.
I was reading a blog last night about how grace was 10x better because of just how painfully unworthy we are of it. Let’s be honest people, Jesus is way out each of our leagues. He’s the prom king and we’re the nerdy girl who doesn’t have social skills, He’s the king eating an enormous feast and we’re the servant lucky enough to have the leftover scraps – you get the picture. It’s so comforting and at the same exact time so terrifying to think that we were saved from sins worthy of death. And it makes me feel a little guilty to be questioning every little thing in life when time after time, mistake after mistake, He is still so beyond good. 

So even though I have no idea what is going on next, no clue as to where I will be in the next three years and absolutely no clue about the people that will become parts of my life in that span, I know that there are going to be more days like today. Days that are filled with phone calls saying, “I’m bringing you ice cream in 10 minutes be ready,” and finding little notes that I had lost a long time ago. But I also know that there are going to be more days and weeks and months that sometimes feel never-ending and beyond overwhelming.

And I am so okay with it.

Because He is still good and there is just so much more left to find.

with love,

Elle

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2 thoughts on “I’m Unworthy & So Okay With It

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