This morning I was reading a chapter in Restless about fear. More than that, it was about how we let fear stop us from living out what God has called us to do. I am anxious beyond words, some days are spent sitting on the floor, hyperventilating about every little thing I have messed up on and the mess-ups that I will have in the future. But in the same day, I can find myself falling asleep with an open window, listening to the rain and resting in the peace that nothing will be deeper than the love that the Lord has for me. And through all of it, through the anxieties and the peaceful nights, it is like God has His hand on me – guiding me in the direction of the path I need to be on.
Then fear, worry, and anxiety set in. They fill my head with questions like:
“What if this isn’t really what God is calling me to do?”
“What if I lose the stability that I have right now?”
“What if people think I’m annoying?”
“What if this doesn’t make a difference?”
And I guess that I can never be 100% positive that those questions can all be answered with something to reassure me that it will end up okay in the end.
In Hebrews 10, it says;
“In just a little while,
he who is coming will come
and will not delay.
But my righteous one will live by faith.
And I take no pleasure
in the one who shrinks back.”
So why, if we know that He will not find pleasure in our doubting His plan, do we allow ourselves to become brainwashed by fear? Why do we let ourselves become so broken by our insecurities?
“We fall apart when we look at our fears and inadequacies and compare ourselves to every other runner. But fix your eyes on a God like Jesus. You will not shrink back. Not from others and not from yourself.”- Jennie Allen
I do not want to shrink back anymore. I do not want to let my inadequacies break me. And I refuse to let myself, becauase despite everything, the Lord is guiding the steps we take. He has us gripped firmly and brings light to our darkest moments. He is beyond great, and I think it is about time we stop living lives that attempt to follow Him and start living some that need Him in the way we need oxygen. So here’s to the big God-dreams within us.