I’ve been hearing a lot of this word lately. It’s starting to almost strangle me. It’s everywhere – it’s in conversations, in the books I’m reading, in old letters. I can’t seem to shake it.
The dictionary defines it as, “anything odd or fanciful; a product of playful fancy”
There’s something I like about that.
A product of playful fancy.
The other day I was going through some boxes and found an old letter from my mom that ended with, “never lose your whimsy and love for the world”.
And friends, lately, I’ve felt a very strong lack of whimsy.
Lately, I’ve started to lose my trust in people.
Lately, I’ve been a little iffy on if there is hope for our world at all.
What if this it it?
What if we just have to learn to live with the unpleasantries of the world?
What if we simply are meant lose our whimsy, our love for the world, and our childlike trust?
These hard-hitting questions have been the center of my thoughts for the past free days. The “what ifs” are sweltering, suffocating. When did I start believing the safest and simplest way to live was to avoid putting trust in anything on earth? Was it one specific instant? Or was it gradual learning over time? Or what if it’s none of those?
What if I lost this whimsy and trust and love by choice?
What if, over the course of some rougher times in my life, I started to give up on seeing the good?
And the thing is, I completely have denied this lack of hope.
The thing is, I feel like I’ve been somewhat of a liar to all of you.
I’ve gotten overwhelming responses about my posts from so many of you. So many people have said how uplifted and inspired they felt, how they started to see the sunshine in every day because of words I’ve shared.
And sometimes, I start to doubt the words I write.
Sometimes, it’s just so much easier to see the bad.
I’m not saying this to discourage you. I’m not sharing these thoughts to make you think there truly is no hope. I’m writing this to be as transparent as possible – because there is no faith without doubt.
The strongest, most faithful people you can meet are rarely people who completely and fully have trusted in the Lord with no questions asked. They are the people who’ve asked questions. The people who’ve gotten frustrated, even MAD, at God. Some days just feel like they are too much. Some times just feel like it’s a storm after storm with no time to rest in between.
And that’s okay.
Some days I wonder why terrible things have been thrown in my direction. Even with the assurance of God’s forever love and companionship – I become doubtful.
When will this end?
When is it going to get better?
Will it get better at all?
All of these questions center back to the initial question of, “what if I lost this whimsy and trust and this love all by choice?”
Friends, I do not know what you have gone through and I most definitely have no clue on what challenges are still in store. What I do know is that, in the entire Bible, there is no promise of everything being easy. There is no spot where it is written that everything will work out, that everything will be fair, and it is never promised that everyone will love you.
In church this morning we were posed with the question of “why was the cross the only way to save us from our sins?”
So what’s the answer? Was the cross the only way because our sins are and were worthy of something so extreme? Or was it to show us that we might not be as alone in this walk of life as we may think we are?
My pastor said something along the lines of how sometimes it was reassuring to him to see Jesus going through struggle. And it is so true.
To be completely honest, sometimes I don’t like how BIG God is. Sometimes it feels like He is so so big, He doesn’t have time for me. It feels like He is too great and too perfect to understand the little struggles I am facing.
And that is where Jesus and the cross comes in.
Jesus personally felt the pain of this world. He called out to God asking Him to relieve the pain being pushed on Him. Jesus faced it.
Jesus first hand felt how much people can suck.
He walked with us.
And still – He loves us.
And still – He was willing to sacrifice everything.
Now, I know that there is still pain to be faced. I know that I am never going to perfect how life is meant to be lived. I know that people will betray my trust and likely, I will betray some people’s trusts too. I know that my heart will get broken. And I know that whimsy isn’t always as wonderful as I have believed.
But I know I have Jesus.
And He understands.
Now, I’m not the biggest fan of the Webster Dictionary definition of whimsy – I think I like Bob Goff’s description a little more.
“Whimsy…needs to be fully experienced to be fully known. Whimsy doesn’t care if you are the driver or the passenger; all that matters is that you are on your way.”
Because I think whimsy is a lot like Jesus sometimes. To fully know Him, to truly and deeply experience Him, you need to get on your way. So, maybe life doesn’t always work out how I think it’s going to. Sometimes I will be disappointed by other people and myself. sometimes the pursuit and the journey won’t always feel likes it’s worth it.
But in the long run – I have hope that it will be worth all that and more.